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Joseph Rosenthal
'Joseph "Joe" Rosenthal '''is a character in both the Walkyverse and Dumbing of Age. In both continuities he is a total poon-hound, Jewish, and Danny's reluctant best friend. Walkyverse Easygoing and totally self-centered, Joe Rosenthal is a borderline misogynist with a sense of humor and a permanent smirk. He doesn't want a lot out of life - mostly just the chance to score as often as possible with as many members of the opposite sex as he can get drunk. He has a secret lust for something other than the ladies, though. No, not for the dudes; for the arts of mechanical nerdcraft. It's a side of him he's ashamed of, and for good reason. If the ladies found out that he's totally into Transformers and - ''gasp - science, then the 2030+ hatchmarks on the side of his bunk won't be increasing so rapidly anymore. Roomies! Despite being stuck rooming with Danny, Joe's college years were eventful to say the least. In addition to a heroic amount of sleeping around, Joe also managed to get himself (re-)abducted by Aliens, had a brief but passionate fling with sarcastic law student Sarah Clinton, bought a whole lot of Transformers, and dealt with his parents' sadly inevitable divorce. During this time, he also took particular pleasure in picking on Danny's obsessive stalker, Joyce Brown and their dorm neighbor, resident nerd/human punching bag Howard Lesse. His bullying of Howard eventually landed him in hot water with Ruth, Howard's violent and highly protective sister. Despite smacking Joe around on multiple occasions, Ruth also provided the aimless horndog with some much-needed life direction when she suggested he study engineering so he could make a living designing toys. After Ruth's death, Joe softened some of his harsh attitudes - helped by Joyce joining SEMME after being they were saved from the aliens by Sal. Following the end of Roomies!, Joe rented a house with Danny, Howard, and Danny's new girlfriend, Billie. It's Walky! Going into a comatose state and later marching upon Washington DC after being controlled by the Head Alien, Joe was nearly enrolled into SEMME, but was taken back to Indiana by Sal in order to protect Danny. When Walky appeared later looking for Joyce's friends, he tried to get him to reveal her whereabouts, but failed. After graduation, Joe moved to New Jersey to pursue his dream of making robots. When Sal appeared and took him back to SEMME, he was initially wary but was won over by the chance to create robots. Inventing his own death, that he died in a firey orgy, the news was broken to a crushed Danny and Billie. For a while, he worked in the SEMME labs under Professor Doc, then he was assigned to Squadron 48, and eventually stationed in Squadron 128. Joe's stay with Professor Doc displaced Dina's position in the labs, leading to her angst about not fitting in. During his foray with the girls of Squad 48, Joe began forming a close relationship to Joyce, eventually gaining feelings for her. His crisis about the singularity of his relationships, either entirely emotional or entirely physical, lead to his attempts to find a deeper love, especially after the Fans! crossover. During the construction of the USS Destiny, he began an online friendship. It quickly became apparent to Joe that he was falling for his internet girlfriend, despite never seeing her or knowing her name. In the process, he changed his horndog attitude after thinking his online girlfriend was first Robin and then her former squadmate. Focusing more on the personality behind the person, he ended up becoming better friends with Robin. She later helped him get on with Rachel when he first met her and his reputation preceded him. During the final encounter between SEMME and the Martian Empire, Joe and Rachel worked together to create Ultra Car, who was built out of Danny's old SUV. The three of them rode Ultra Car into outer space, where they battled the zombie crew of the USS Destiny and destroyed the Martian mothership. After this, Joe and Rachel set up Rosenthal Robotics to handle the management of the remade Martian Resurrection Chamber and build more machines like Ultra Car. After a brief attempt at attacking Monkey Master which resulted in Danny getting badly hurt, he focused his efforts on his company instead. Shortpacked! Robin contacted Joe during her search for the Drama Tag, asking for his assistance. In response, Joe shipped Ultra Car - now transferred to a more environmentally friendly chassis - over to the Shortpacked! store. Ultra Car later returned to Denver in a fury after learning that Rosenthal Robotics was mass-producing sentient compact cars - Zoomers - based on his design. But Joe was able to mollify his mechanical offspring after admitting that he'd only created the Zoomers to fill the UC-shaped hole in his life. Following the dissolution of SEMME, Rosenthal Robotics grew rapidly, keeping Joe occupied and well-stocked with Transformers exclusives. However, unbeknownst to him, Rachel was captured by Head Alien II and replaced by an alien-piloted android doppelganger. When the deception was finally revealed at Joyce and Walky's wedding, Joe went into mourning as most lotharios do: by growing a Richard Rosenthal-esque grief-beard and collecting hot librarians. Though he had set up a dimensional portal in the basement of Rosenthal Tower, Joe wasn't eager to "replace" Rachel by finding an alternate universe version, arguing that it would be disrespectful to her memory. Fortunately, Leslie Bean had no such qualms, and leapt into the portal with Ultra Car, eventually returning with Rachel - the original Rachel - in tow. After this, Joe helped remodel Ultra Car into a cranky fembot and gave Robin and Leslie the means to make their own triplets. At Robin's urging, he also invested into the Shortpacked! store, allowing Galasso to open a second branch in Denver. Trivia *Joe is based on one of David Willis's childhood friends, Dave Ressman, and was also named after him for a while. In junior high, the character was unDaved and renamed "Joe Ranksman," and then finally for Roomies!, his last name was changed into something real. *He seems to have some sort of Force-like perception ability, relating entirely to stuff which is either sexual in nature, or which he would find arousing amongst women he knows. *By his own account, Joe had bumped uglies with 2030 women as of January 2004. Only 67 have expressed regret, and every 50th girl gets a coupon for half-off any entree at Fazoli's. Even Robin had to agree that this is a hell of a deal. *This number undoubtedly has crept higher since then. *He refers to the night that Ruth died saving Danny's life and Joyce was taken by SEMME as the "GREAT SHIT SHOWER OF 1999". *Joe seems to be an amazingly lucky guy; despite his 2000+ sexual encounters, it has never been stated, suggested, or implied that he has ever suffered an STD of any sort. Well, except once. *Joe is the third character to make an appearance in all four Walkyverse comics, after Joyce and Ultra Car. *Prior to his first "official" appearance in Shortpacked!, he made a brief cameo during Mike and Ethan's trip to Botcon. Since Mike was dressed as a Confederate soldier, wore fake facial hair, and was supposed to be dead, Joe probably didn't recognize him at the time. Dumbing of Age If you’ve got a rack and you’re moving, Joe is checking you out. If he has no scholarly aspirations, why is he in college? The babes, man, the babes. They put out here! He’s seen the videos. History Joe chose to room with Danny in the mistaken belief that the two of them would tear up college together. Instead, he found himself acting as a reluctant (and disinterested) caregiver after his old friend slid into a depression as a result of being dumped by his high school sweetheart, Dorothy Keener, before the first day of classes had even begun. Aside from picking up several new sexual positions and adding a... unique perspective to Leslie's gender studies class, Joe managed to incite a honest-to-god political scandal when he filmed a sex tape with Roz DeSanto, younger sister of conservative Congresswoman Robin DeSanto. True to form, he ultimately was able to leverage this to score even more tail. Joe also made Billie cry, but that's another story entirely. Trivia *Like Dorothy, Sal, and Ruth, Joe is left-handed. *Joe has picked up at least seventeen new sexual positions since arriving at college. *Joe's "do" list apparently has an RSS feed in-universe. *Joe is apparently not a practicing Jew, as he claims it is "all downhill" after the Bar Mitzvah. *He and Danny have been best friends since kindergarten, as evidenced by a drawing Danny made in third grade depicting them holding hands on the back of a dragon, titled "Besties Eternal". Gallery fell free to move these images into the article where they would be more appropriate joe doa.png| hey wanna have sex? Category:Roomies! Category:It's Walky! Category:Dumbing of Age Category:Joyce and Walky! Category:Indiana University Students Category:Shortpacked! Category:Abductees Category:Characters Category:SEMME Agents